New Year... AGAIN

Wow, how does the time go so fast.  I guess it is time to get off the couch, scoop my crap into a handy pile and get moving.

I have declared that 2015 is the year of "Calm".  2014 has been a bit rough.  We had the kitchen flood, which the kitchen is mostly done...after 7 months.  Daughter and her kids moved in for a while and moved out to live with her in-laws. I certainly did not do the things that I had on my "list".

I did declare July 19th to be the anniversary of the new me.  So time to snap out of this FUNK that I have found myself in.  By the anniversary I WILL be down 45-50 pounds.  I know what that means... eat right and MOVE.  

In 2015 I do want to do several things, 1) Take a picture each day... not sure if I want it to be of the same subject, different things.  I had better get that figured out by tomorrow.  2) Get this weight under control.  3) Make Christmas gifts each month, and do a project every 2-3 weeks. 4) Read a book per month.

Calm, joyful and relaxed that is how I will describe 2015, 365 days from now.

Week of trauma... well mild

Ok, trauma may be a bit of an exaggeration, but, trying non the less.

Home... so getting worn out by this totally disarray.  Everything is covered in dust, nothing has a "home". Progress is painfully slow.  Feeling a bit frazzled. 

The yard is a jungle... there could be wild game out there that will eat me when I mow today.


School... the whole rug for Janet thing almost pushed me over the edge. School is a totally mess, dirty, disorganized (not my job), and I am frustrated with parents that don't tell me that they are dropping out!

Working out... I went ONE day (RRR)!  Food has been ok, not great.

Me...I have had a headache for 3 days now, and my knees are hurting.  I am sure it is all stress related... suck it up and get to work!

I am just plain exhausted! I can't imagine how tired Kevin must be... just want to be able to be done!!!

Just seems everywhere I turn is in total chaos.  Must get my head back in the game... with school starting on Wednesday, that is a good time to hit the ground "running".  Ok so maybe today is the day to get in gear.  I am going to pick 1 thing that is driving me crazy and that I can fix and get that done.  

The stinkin lists again... why do I find comfort in the "LIST" ?  Do I need something to be "in charge" of me.  

List of the day- Laundry, lawn... Yeah that is two things but, I think that is manageable.  There is also the obligations that I already have for the day, High School meeting @1 and LWML yard sale @3. 

Chubby Chick to feel better

What a Mess

Time flies when you are having fun?  Went to get Sam from camp, then went camping for the weekend.  

It was "fun"... so yes it was at times enjoyable, then there was the whole hormonal thing.  If it were not for that it would have been fun.

I guess that everything is just getting to me... school starts, a lot still to do at school, house is a MESS, the kitchen is kinda at a stand still due to Kevin being so busy at work, yard is a mess due to not sure what.  I just want to get things DONE.  My knees hurt... feel like I am just exhausted. 

I think this is all contributing to my pissy attitude.  I really need to just suck it up and get a grip!

I did get my workout done this morning, and I will mow the lawn later today. I WILL get a lot done today!!!  Today is an opportunity to get my sh*t in a pile, I could make a list...Hahahaha.  Like there is not a mental list already made.

Chubby Chick off to get it done

Death

So we are gathered here this beautiful summer morning to mourn the death of a pound.  As we look back on it's long and plump life we see that it had a lot of help in it's success.  There were 3500 calories that made up its mass.  

Our "friend" is gone forever, however, there seems to be an epidemic beginning here.   It joins the 6 others that have lost their courageous battle.  All indications are they are only the tip of the ice burg.  

Preliminary numbers out of the "Fat Stores" are that we should be seeing about 80-90 more of these deaths.  

There was a recent interview with the quadriceps they indicated that as their mass increases we could expect more frequent losses.  The word is that their strength is increasing and the fuel needed to sustain us fat pounds is being decreased.  

So go about your day and enjoy the little time you have left... you never know when it is your time to burn up!


Chubby Chick - keeping up the good fight  

Once upon a Monday morning

Why do Mondays suck SO much.  Is it the collision between Sunday night"s expectation of "Great things to come"  and the cold hard truth that morning brings of  "Crap, I am so freaking tired".  

Shouldn't Monday be looked upon with great anticipation as to the wonderful things that will happen?  Why are they treated like the plague and wished to not come at all.  If Monday was completely skipped (or better yet, added to the weekend!)  then the villain here would be Tuesday.    

This Monday my first plan... yes that 4 letter word that gets me into trouble so much of the time.
Oh yeah, that plan... go work out this afternoon with my buddy, doing what the trainer texted us @ 11:09pm!!!   The second plan... get up at 6 go to the gym and do 30 min on the elliptical machine, then this afternoon proceed with plan "A".   Well, the alarm went off, the brain said... just rest a bit longer, make some coffee, sit on the patio...enjoy!!

Guess who won! Yes the coffee is brewed, I am in my comfy patio chair and the gym will wait for a few more hours.  There will be kitchen construction in the evening... so I guess I should just be happy!

Chubby Chick to enjoy Monday

Crazy

My life is Crazy!!  Crazy busy, crazy weird, crazy messy, crazy fun, crazy loved, crazy blessed!!!

This weekend alone, got to cuddle both my Grands to sleep, had a dinner at our house (with no kitchen), worked with Hubs on the kitchen (4 hours yesterday), helped the youngest (age 9...and a half, don't for get the half!) get ready for camp, worked out, mowed the lawn and some laundry... not enough!

This kitchen construction (due to the flood) is really coming along... it is just a LONG process.  I am in hopes that it will only be a few more weeks. There is dust everywhere!!

Our daughter is visiting with her 18 month old and is 5 months prego, I got to babysit our 4 month old grandson.  

In the midst of this CRAZINESS it would be so easy to say "I will start when this is all done"  or "Crap, I am so tired I don't want to work out"  so I am pretty happy that I have NOT missed a work out!    That said... food is kinda a different story.  I have most days been at or below my calorie goal.  The food that I am eating is not the healthiest choices.  BUT, I am conscience of that and will improve.  

I am hopeful that GONE are the days of "ALL OR NOTHING".  Now is the time of "BIG GIRL PANTIES" just keep moving forward!

I weighed today... who am I kidding I weigh EVERYDAY!  So today is the "official" day and I did NOT lose any weight.  But, I know I have moved and am moving forward.  It will come off.

Chubby Chick moving in the craziness

Fantastic Friday

I am so lucky to get to babysit my sweet grandson today.  I did not get to the gym this morning, and his parents are coming over for dinner so I will no be making this evening either.  

I will make the most of the day that I have.  I get to snuggle and kiss the little guy till his cheeks are chapped!  I am going to take a walk for a little workout.  

I am going to do my Friday workout tomorrow... trying to adapt to the changes life throws at me.  To make permanent changes, I can't we so rigid.  Roll with the punches!

Chubby Chick enjoying my blessings 

The reflection in screen

Sometimes I am so startled by the woman who is looking back at me.  It is like there are different women all the time.   I sometimes see a perky well rested energetic "girl" and others she is an exhausted old lady.  

Reality is she is somewhere in between.  I guess I need to work on getting closer to that middle ground of the middle aged woman that I am.  Will losing weight help me feel more like the me I see in my head?? Will it make me more energetic??  Will I feel younger??  

I guess the truth will come with the work and the loss of the weight.  So I must have patience... something that I have never been accused of having a lot of.  So I guess I must flex that muscle too!

Chubby Chick in for the long haul   

What a difference a day makes

Yesterday I did not write, if I had it would have been something like:
Whine, whine, whine- I am a fat troll, how could you let yourself get to this?  Blaa blaa blaa...  Hormones are a horrible blight on an otherwise (fairly) stable brain.  I use stable in the most loose of definitions.  Having trouble sleeping due to wild dreams, mild hot flashes and general brain will not shut off.

TODAY:  Up at 5am, met the trainer... killed my workout!  I am really feeling that I am getting back into the routine of working out!  Still sucks while I am sucking wind!  But, I know that soon, so maybe not as soon as I would like, but, "soon" it will be easier. When I get at least 30-40 pounds off it will be easier.  Holy Crap this extra 80-90 pounds really kills. 

The first set of squats, my knee thought I was trying to kill it.  The second and third set...much better.  You hang in there baby we will get rid of the weight and it will be like you are walking on sunshine!

I really "like" getting up early and getting my workout done.  Ok, when the alarm goes off at 5:10 am it does seem like I am on crack.  After I am up and dressed and getting through the workout the reasons become clear.  More importantly when I am sitting on the patio with my coffee, I can see clearly that making me a priority, getting healthy and having time to myself is so important.

I think as women we think and do for others so much we let ourselves go.  Big squishy moment for myself... LOL  Let's not get all carried away with the Lovefest, the 1-2 hours for myself needs to be when no one else needs anything from me.  That is why I must get up at the "Butt crack of dawn". 

Chubby Chick to seize the day!

Flexibility

Flexibility is NOT my strong suit... neither physically or mentally.  Getting up @5:30 or 6 to get to the gym IS the only way to go. RIGHT???

Not this morning, after working on the kitchen extension from 1:30-8:30 pm yesterday, then coming in for showers and dinner (yes, diner at after 9)  I made the conscience decision to go after work. 

All my clothes are in the bag, I will NOT come home till I am sweaty.  But, I will change. Both physically and mentally... I will find what works for me that day.  

The all or nothing is gone, now is the time to work things out.  

Chubby Chick getting to the gym better late than never
  

Jog...Are you on Crack?

I worked with my trainer yesterday for the second time.  We had had an issue with not getting me workouts. He came prepared like "Super Trainer" with 1 months workouts.  Ok, so he had sent me a text with them earlier in the week and I frankly had not looked at them.  

Well, he was going through them day by day...then came Thursday.  First off, I don't mind pushing myself.  I like him because he does seem the type who will push me but, not to the point of injury.  I am old and fat...keep it within the realm of sanity!  Ok, back to Thursday... workout seemed to be reasonable then out of the blue... JOG not just JOG, but, for 15 minutes.  Oh, my gosh, Dude have you seen the wide load sign on my butt?   So, my plan is to WOG (walk jog combo) for the 15 minutes, by the 4th week I hope to be up to jogging the whole time.  

If I hear any lip from my workout buddy about it I will tell her to go grab 2- 20lb dumb bells, cause I've got 40 pounds on her.  

Chubby Chick off to the great WOG

Can You Hear the Fat Scream

As I was working out with my trainer this morning, my buddy said "Can you hear the fat scream?"  Well, this is what I heard!

I am just a happy little fat cell, hanging around with a bunch of my friends. But, they seem to be disappearing.  They are there one day and gone the next. They are burned up in the blink of an eye. I have heard of tales of long ago, when just a few short years ago our closest neighbors were the muscles.  They were always flexing, and moving.  It was so annoying!  

But, lately our forces have grown and we are comfortably taking over the whole queendom. We cause this body to want to stay at rest.  We are causing the left knee and right foot to hurt, which in turn makes they body to want to just hang out.

But, as of the last few days, there has been an active attack on our way of life.  There have been early mornings at the gym, better food, and the heart and lungs are working hard too.  

The screams of my friends are deafening... there are so many of us, I think I am safe for awhile.  80 pounds of us will take some serious effort and dedication.

Chubby Chick to burn that fat!

You can't our run the fork

I have heard this saying "You can't out run the fork"  in other words, no matter how hard you workout if you eat like crap you are not going to lose weight.  Man oh man have I tried.  I have had cookies for dinner, junk in the middle of the day, just not great choices.  The evidence is clear... it hangs off my arms, a girl should only have one chin, my butt is big, my thighs have not seen a moment apart (while walking) for years, and that GUT...

So I know I need to get the food under control.  Ok, I know the food is not what is out of control it is my "relationship" with it.  Whatever, there is no "relationship" it is me sitting alone with a bowl of crap, shoving it down my gullet!  I let my brain lose control and abandon all reason, that is so sad, it has no desire to be in charge yet I hand over all my power to it.  

I am a strong willed, kinda put together, leader of people... yet I fall so short of my own expectations in this area.  Taking charge and making changes in what you have been doing that does not work is a first step!  

In addition to the trainer, a couple of workout buddies and one that will always go with me (the tired old Chubby Chick in the mirror), I am going to start seeing a nutritionist in August.  Thus begins "Team Chubby Chick".  Kinda feeling like I am making progress.  Not to say there will not be some bumps in the road...keeps life exciting, as long as the bumps aren't allowed to pitch you off in the ditch that is filled with chocolate!

Chubby Chick - you can run but you can't hide from crap!

Sleep vs. Sweat

At 5 am the sleep mode wants to win. But, sweat did finally win!  I know that if given a few more minutes I could have totally talked myself into staying comfortable in bed.  

The "rational" ok, lazy part of my brain wanted to explain that sleep is vital to weight loss... But, the "get your lazy butt to the gym" let me know that working out would help, you can have a nap later.  

So sweat must win!!!  So I got to the gym and did my workout and feel GREAT!

Chubby Chick - nap in my near future

Change

So, does change come in one fell swoop or in small unnoticeable steps.  There are those huge life changing moments that you can really put your finger on and say "that is the moment".  That moment when you find yourself in the hair dye isle or the spray paint section of the store... those are moments "something" is going to change quickly!! 

 I think most change is slow, boring and a group of small barely noticeable decisions.  Like getting up and sweating your butt off,  doing all the squats while not looking for an excuse, or not eating that whole piece of cake.  

Then one day you look back and say "Crap, I have really changed!"  

Both kind of change can make lasting impressions, like my patio furniture will NEVER be the same.  On that note my Butt will NEVER be this big again!!!  So treating each choice as an important part of the whole is something to work on.  Well, each choice is NOT LIFE OR DEATH, but, a bunch of bad can do damage the same as a bunch of good can.   

Chubby Chick- making good choices!  

Trainer trials

I think some days I am living in the past when it comes to trainers.  I lost 65 pounds in 7 months with my old trainer.  I went 5 days per week...felt so great with Scot.  I guess like a "first Love" I compare all trainers to "him"... not the person, the results, the process, and the consistency.

I am looking for someone to give me guidance and "hold my feet to the fire" and my butt to the squat!  I need to live in the moment... and feel the burn today, not live in the after glow of years gone by. 

Today has been an interesting day.  When it started I was sure the trainer that I was working with was going to be a "goner".   I have had issues getting my workouts from him.  Long story short, trust me I just deleted all the BORING details!!!  We may have solved the problem by him getting me the next two months workouts.  I may give him another try.  I can see that we would make a great team... him giving the trainer crap and me sweat my ass off, literally!

My results will be my results!  So I need to keep my head in the game!!!

Chubby Chick to the trainer 

Hard habit to break!

There is this thing in my head that says "If you are on track, then you need to be going 110%".  Today is one of my "rest" days from the gym.  I really felt kinda guilty that I did not get up early and go.  Habit 1- All or nothing!

I did well with eating... not STELLAR but good.  Habit 2- If you are not perfect then eat sh*t! 

Beating myself up for getting this way, for not being perfect, for being lazy, for being a slug.  Habit 3- talking to myself like I would not talk to my worst enemy (I don't have real enemies...but, you get the point)

Funny these are habits I have spent countless years and untold amounts of energy trying to change.  I guess anything worth doing is worth doing right.

So, BIG GIRL panties on and a new attitude... Be kind to myself, do my best and be the best I can and try to more today than yesterday.  

I know that I am not the only one who feels like this...so I am not alone, an island unto my own suffering.  There are many of us who can relate to this...I will take comfort and strength that I am not a FREAK.

Chubby Chick - here is to the new habits!

Anniversary!

Today is the anniversary of one of the biggest things in my life.  28 years ago I married this guy.  Ok, so I am not too sappy, I could say the "LOVE of my Life", "My soul mate", "My best friend" so at times he is some of those things.  At times I want to punch him in the face...not literally. 

Some days its easy breezy, other days its dirt under your nail kinda work!  It is a real life marriage, with ups and downs.  We are blessed with 3 great kids, 2 are married to great people, 2.5 grand kids and a life that is pretty calm.  I hope that we have taught our kids that marriage takes work, patience and the ability to let go of things that just don't matter!

That said, if I can work with another human being on a life long commitment why can't I work with myself?  This week has been good I feel that progress has been made and I can get this thing done.  

So in the spirit of "anniversaries", I am going to make this my personal anniversary... to commit to a year of dedication to getting me back.  I will take stock in the changes I have made and see the strides both literal and figurative.  There are things that I want to accomplish this coming year... I am fearful of writing them down.  I know that will either make them "out there for good" or "reasons to beat myself up".  

So here goes: she writes standing on the ledge ready to jump into the GREAT BEYOND!!!
1) feel like I did when I worked out with Scot
2) wear a size 6 pants, & medium tops
3) have run at least 1 - 5K 
4) have written here everyday

That was not that scary.  I am feeling good that it was not all about weight...it is just a # right???  There are other benchmarks to a good life.  Let's not get crazy... I WILL be weighing myself everyday!! I would like to lose 80-90 and if I do I will have #2 in the bag!!!

Chubby Chick - commitment to ME!

The adventure awaits!

Adventure- is that something that I need to get my heart pumping?  Do I try to make the mundane seem more adventurous to trick myself into jumping in?  I think maybe!  The great "TO DO" list is long for the day, yet I am trying to make it some kind of adventure.

"As I leave the safety of my home and enter the untamed jungle, mowing a path to uncharted lands" seems so much funner than Mow the Lawn!

So in my head (as jumbled as it may seem) go to the gym turns into- "After fighting many foes she finally makes it into the land of sweat and strength.  She proves to herself again that she can concur any oppressive power to get to her goal!"  

I am very happy that I met up with my "new" workout buddy yesterday.  I did the eliptical...I wanted to just do the easy workout.  However, she did push me into the 30 weight loss program!  I was feeling accomplished just getting to the gym.  She was not satisfied with that!  So my legs are SORE!  But, the good kind the "I am making some progress" kind.  

We are going to meet again at the gym today, in the afternoon, that is the time of day that the ice cream & couch are calling my name, begging me to entertain them!  NO MORE!!   

Getting 80 to 90 pounds off is not going to be done in the next 2 weeks, but, It WILL get done.  On top of that it will NEVER (yes I used the "N" word) NEVER, NEVER come back.   

I am totally worth the effort it is going to take to get this weight off and KEEP it off.  Also worth the NEW CLOTHES I will have to buy!!  Oh, cute clothes, come to Mama!!!

Part of me wants to "Sprint" to my goal, you know get there as fast as humanly possible... 8-10 months.  Part of me wants to "Marathon" it, take it slow and steady.  Maybe it needs to be a mixed race!  Sprint when I can and slow and steady, kinda coast for a little bit.  Now the "PLANNER" in me is wanting to grab my calendar and figure when to do each part.  Man, that planner chick is annoying! Why can't she just chill?? 

Chubby Chick- off to find Adventure

Personal Responsibility

Personal responsibility that is something that I feel strongly about.  Maybe not at 6 am.  My workout buddy was having some tummy trouble this morning and shot me a text that she was not going to be able to go this morning.  Poor girl she has been fighting some bug for a while now.

That said, I had already planed to go on my own if she was sick.  WELL, that is a plan that looks better at night that in the cool of the morning!  I was so comfy all curled up in the quilt.  That part of my brain that controls so much of my life - rationally whispered, "you're tired...just sleep in".  That is the same voice that tells me things like "it's only one cookie, ice cream is your friend and the ever popular - make a plan today and you can start tomorrow.   

Well the time came to get up and get moving... by moving I mean get coffee and get on the computer.  And she wonders why she has gained 80 some pounds :/ .    Then there was this small voice speaking of "Personal Responsibility".  

Then I found the workout "buddy" that I need... she is the Chubby, middle aged woman in the mirror.  She needs me, and wants to get her sweat on with me, if I go with her I can listen to my music and not have to make conversation, or feel bad that she can't go.  Don't get me wrong I truly LOVE my workout buddies, they motivate me, make me laugh and make the tough things possible.  However, this one in the mirror seems to really need ME!!!

So, I am packing my workout clothes to take to work, I will drink my protein drink about 30 minutes before I get off, and go straight to the gym.  Then when I get home I can get right to house work... I will be too sweaty to lay on the couch. I know, I know another plan!!!   Hope springs eternal... this ONE will work!

Chubby Chick - will sweat into the afternoon!

Quit stopping!

There is that old saying- If you don't want to keep starting over, quit stopping!  
Well I had stopped again!  Not sure of the reason, just gave up AGAIN!!  

Well today is a new start!  Dare I say the last new start, that is the hope.  I am sick of that feeling...you know the one, self loathing, bottom of the barrel, desperate times call for desperate measures.   I want it replaced with the strong, I can do anything, kick ass and take names feeling.  To get there I must keep moving, not stop, work to get that feeling... it can't be bought in a pill, or borrowed from someone else.  It has to be fought for, with early morning workouts (not just show up-but work) good food choices, some planning and an eye on the prize.

Wait, what is the prize?  Skinny? Cute clothes? Healthy? 100 lbs gone forever? Strong?  Maybe a combo of all of these, kinda of like a rotating motivation... cause just one wears thin, and I stay "not so thin".  

I know how to lose the weight, I know how to get strong, I know how to shop for cute clothes (LOL)...The keeping is off and getting my head to permanently change is the KEY!!

I have stopped quitting...  I know that some days will be slower than others, but, keep on keepin on!!!  Wow, how lame does that sound?  Ok, so fight for the true me to be free.  Still lame!  I guess I will need to work on that.

Chubby Chick start to the new beginning!(236)

Must get a grip!!

I am so tired of beating myself up.  I am tired of thinking badly of myself.  These things that I say to myself must stop!  I am a loving, kind, helpful person... the extra weight that I have added to myself does NOT define me!!!

I will become the best I can be.  I felt so much better when I was working out everyday and eating well.  I WANT to feel better, stronger, healthier, and less tired.  I want to be the best me.  

I know who to get there and I know that it is in me!!   I need to harness it and kick some ASS!!!  I need to kick my ASS and get me back!!!!  I do not have to be thin to be happy... I need to feel good to be happy.  To feel good I need to get my head in the game.  

I will use this time that I had on the drive home to reboot!  So I am now REBOOTED and ready to hit the ground running!

This Chubby Chick is on the move!!!! 

Write everyday...that was my intent

So it was my intent to write everyday... where does the time go??  I think sometimes I just let it get AWAY from me.  I give my time away so cheaply. I do not make the things I want a priority.  

Well I guess if they were a priority I would do them.  I have been getting to the gym 5 days per week, working hard while I am there... but, the eating has been NOT GREAT.  So it begs the questions... how much of this is a priority??  Why not just eat better, feel better, lose weight.  What am  I scared of?? What do I have to gain and what do I have to lose??   

First I do want to be thin and healthy... ok my knee is feeling better as I have been working out... but, eating healthy would give me more energy to do the things I want...another question...what is that??  What do I want to do??

Eating better is a good idea at best... not the PRIORITY that it should be... who said it should be?? Why are they in charge of my priority list?? What if eating stays at this level??

Scared?? That is the tricky one, I do know what scares me.  HONESTY ALERT: If I am more attractive, thinner, healthier I may attract the attention of someone... not the someone who is happy for me to say FAT.  I am committed to him, I just don't know that I am overly attracted or interested in him.  Also, healthy people live longer... what is the point of that??  Being alone or worse LONELY for even longer. 

What do I have to gain.  Feel better about myself, easier to move, stronger, cuter clothes and FEAR... fear of gaining it again.  
What to lose,  comfort in the anonymity of fat!  I am just another Chubby Chick.   No real reason to work at it.

Well, there were a ton of questions brought up and some interesting answers... I must think about this more to see if more in-depth answers come to light.  

So in the mean time I will put some REAL focus on the eating better plan... I am working hard, so I might as well give it my all.  I tend to be 100% of nothing... so 100% it is starting NOW!!!  I have more to gain than to lose!!!

Dive in Chubby Chick... the water is warm!!!

First Day with the Trainer!!

Very excited that I had my first session with the New Trainer Joey!  He seems like the kinda guy who will push me, not to the point of injury, but, not let me be a slacker.

I can become very lazy if left to my own devices!  My devices include laying around on the couch, and eating cookies.  That is how I gained 80 pounds.  


I need to get my winter clothes put away and get the summer clothes out.  I am seriously thinking about giving my FAT winter clothes away.  I am NEVER going to need them again!!   I am also thinking of giving all my Skinny summer clothes way also!  I will buy new Skinny clothes this summer... I deserve new clothes!!!!

I am going to be signing up for a color run in June!  Joey will help us get ready!

Here is to a new adventure!!!

Wow... time flies

How does time get away from me??  How could I be in this "holding" pattern for so long.  Well, if I have to be honest (here is the place) I have NOT been holding.  I have been descending into fatter!!  


My past few months have been very frustrating for me.  
I did join a gym...only went for a few months and I did not really feel that I was moving forward.  I actually gained weight about 8 pounds (deep sadness) .  
Then I gave up for a while.  
Then the beginning of  March a friend and I joined a different gym. Well, I was at the heaviest I have ever been.  228... tears of embarrassment!!!  That gym was a bit weird, it was in these people's home, in their garage with their dogs and motorcycles. They were polygamists, I was working with the wives. I was starting to feel better and was down 4 pounds. I was going to have to start working with the husband on nutrition.     He really gives me the creeps!   
Well, I joined a different gym today!  I am really excited!  We meet with a trainer tomorrow!  I understand the nutrition and will really try to get a handle on it in the next couple weeks.
  
It has been a long time (7 months) since I wrote.  I plan to write everyday to really  see the progress that this CHUBBY CHICK is making.  

The plan: I seem to always be about the plan.  Why then am I still standing here on the edge of the cliff.  I am not scared to move, I am scared of making great progress (like with Scot- 65 pounds) and then falling back into this CHUBBYness.  
1) I like working out... makes me feel strong and more energized.  So I will         workout at the gym Monday-Friday!  
2) I feel like CRAP when I eat like CRAP!  So I will do my best to eat better.
3) I know that I need stretch, I will do my YOGA video 3 days per week (Tues-     Thurs-Sat)
4) I am signing up for a 5K in June, I will start "running" 3 days per week           (Mon-Wed- Fri)


I am NOT going to plan how fast I am going to lose. That is a problem that I have before!  

I am committing to losing 75 pounds! More importantly I will NEVER gain it back.  I will be 50 in 3 years, and I will NOT FIGHT my weight after I turn 50.